


Aftereffect

by Azuremosquito



Series: Aftereffect [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-08
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-05-18 23:23:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5947249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azuremosquito/pseuds/Azuremosquito
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the ending of Mass Effect 3. </p>
<p>"It's never easy to be chosen<br/>never easy to be called<br/>Standing on the front line<br/>When the bombs start to fall<br/>I can see heavens<br/>But I still hear the flames<br/>Calling out my name</p>
<p>I can see the writing on the wall<br/>I can't ignore this war<br/>At the end of it all<br/>Who am I living for?"</p>
<p>- Katy Perry, Who Am I Living For?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

 Garrus sat high on a ledge watching the bustling commotion far below him, his sniper rifle cradled casually in his arm. Officially, he was supposed to be keeping an eye out for trouble, or at least that is what he had told Alenko before climbing up here, but the truth was that Garrus just needed to get away from everyone for a little while, some time to be alone with his thoughts. He had reluctantly allowed Tali'Zorah to drag him back to London and he did have to admit that, for a time at least, it had been good to be surrounded by friends and comrades, people genuinely happy to see him and speak to him. Eventually, however, he could no longer avoid thinking about her, so he had used the events today as an excuse to get some time away.  
  
    A large group of humans was leaving today to go return to their homes here on Earth and see their families, so there was a big production in seeing them off. While no one could begrudge them wanting to return home after everything they had been through, it had led to some bad feelings among many of the alien races that were still stranded here.  The mass relays had been destroyed and despite having a huge fleet of starships still available, hyperspace travel was still impossible until the scientists could come up with some alternative means to reach the other galaxies. That was going to be even harder now, with all the AIs and VIs shut down, and that meant a lot of alien races remained stuck here on Earth indefinitely with no way to get home to their own families. The krogan and the quarians especially were taking this hard. With the genophage so recently cured, the krogan were eager to return home and start rebuilding their population and society, and the quarians had finally, after three centuries of exile, reclaimed their home world from the geth. Still, it did not make sense to strain resources in London if the humans could spread out again, now that Earth was safe.  
  
    Garrus sighed as he watched the smiling happy faces down below that were soon to return to their homes and loved ones. He knew that his father and sister were safe and that he technically had a family to return to, but no one knew how long it would be before the turians could return to Palaven, and if he had to be entirely honest with himself, there was really only one face he longed to see. His heart clenched in pain and he exhaled heavily, trying to dispel the image of tousled short red hair and laughing grey eyes. Those beautiful eyes, so large and open compared to a turian's, had not been laughing, the last time he had seen them. They had been lined with more worry than should ever rest on a single individual's shoulders.  
  
    Lifting his head toward the sky, his gaze turned once more to where the Citadel had exploded.  He knew that if there was a heaven, it would not likely be located at the scene of one's fiery death, but he could not help looking in that direction whenever he thought of her. He tried to console himself with the thought that at least she had finally found peace, no longer spending every spare moment of her life single handedly trying to hold the galaxy together. She had more than earned her rest, but it was a shame that she was not here to share in the victory of everything they had fought to achieve.  
  
    Something blue moved down below and he glanced back down to see Liara waving her hands, trying to get his attention. When she saw he was looking, she motioned for him to come join her, pointing over toward something out of sight, and Garrus sighed again. Likely something had come up with the turians and they needed him to sort it out. Shouldering his rifle, he reluctantly got to his feet and began climbing down to see what the trouble was about.  
  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
    "Grandpapa! Grandpapa!" Melanie's voice was shrill with excitement and it immediately turned the head of every adult in the vicinity, each person clenching whatever they held in their hands as a makeshift weapon, if need be. There had been no hostilities in some time, but old habits were hard to break, especially when they had saved the life of this small town several times over since the Reapers had first attacked Earth.  They only relaxed their grip and returned to their tasks when they saw the child smiling, which surely meant no danger.  
  
    The small, golden-haired five year old came streaking down the street, her twin braids flowing out behind her as she sped up to grasp the gnarled hand of her grandfather. "Come quickly, grandpapa! It's Commander Shepard!"  
  
    Warren blinked at his granddaughter bemusedly, and then he offered her a benign smile and patted her hand softly. Likely, the child was playing make-believe again, thinking she was on some adventure with the brave crew of the Normandy to save the universe. He was not about to correct the girl and remind her that Commander Shepard was dead, since Melanie smiled so rarely these days. Most of the children possessed the large, haunted eyes of young ones who had seen more horrors than any person should ever know, and certainly no child ever should have. She had seen Commander Shepard on the vids a few times and Warren was uncertain if the woman had a bigger fan than his granddaughter.  
  
    The small hand was tugging at his adamantly, insistent that he follow her. "All right, Melanie, all right," he laughed, setting aside the datapad he had been trying to repair. His eyesight was not what it used to be, and he would not admit that he was grateful for an excuse to put off fumbling with the thing for a bit longer. Stalling just a moment longer to grab the gnarled stick he had picked up in place of a walking cane, he stiffly rose to his feet and began following after the child.  
  
    Upon seeing that her grandfather intended to follow her, Melanie released his hand and darted on ahead, then stopped and waited impatiently for him to catch up. "Come on, grandpapa! Hurry!"  
  
    "I'm coming, child. Patience is a virtue." He hid a smile as she huffed and rolled her eyes. She led him to the edge of town, where the cornfields beyond hid much from sight, the tall stalks waving lazily in the soft breeze as if they had not a care in the world. Briefly, he envied those stalks of corn their freedom from concerns but he quickly dismissed the foolish notion. He had always prided himself on being a very grounded individual, realistic and down to earth, not given to flights of fancy. That is why he had remained here on Earth even when so many humans had gone on to colonize other planets. No, for him, the home of his ancestors was good enough.  
  
    Warren realized he had stopped moving when he felt another insistent tug on his hand and looked down into a very irritated upturned freckle face as Melanie frowned at him. "All right, I'm coming," he quickly reassured her, starting to wonder what had made the child so agitated. Usually her make-believe fantasies were not so demanding. She started off again, this time not releasing his hand so they would not get separated in the cornfield.  
  
    She led him so far that Warren was just opening his mouth to chastize her for straying so far from the town when they came to an abrupt stop at the edge of a large crater. Warren stared around in amazement at the wreckage strewn about. This must have been the source of that loud crash a few nights ago. Everyone had started up out of their beds in a panic, thinking the attacks had started again, but they soon realized it was simply shrapnel descending to Earth from the battle, and had done their best to avoid being struck, paying it no further mind. There were more important things to attend to for the moment that mattered to their survival; clearing up wreckage and debris could wait, where it was not immediately in their way or dangerous.  
  
    "She's down here, grandpapa!" Melanie said, her piping voice eager now that they were getting close.  
  
    "Melanie, be careful!" he hissed as she easily clambered down the side and darted off among the wreckage. Warren began seeking an easy path to work his way down, but he glanced up at the sky for a moment, uncertainly.  
  
    "No one could have survived this," he muttered to himself. "At least we can give the bodies a proper burial." He doubted that his granddaughter had found Commander Shepard, it was more likely this was the remains of one of the starships that had been lost in the firefight. Upon reaching the bottom with some difficulty, he turned his head and looked around, feeling a moment of panic when he could not see her hear the child anywhere. "Melanie!" he called out, his tone tense with fear.  
  
    "Over here, grandpapa!" the girl called, appearing up ahead. "Hurry, she's hurt!"  
  
    Frowning in disbelief, Warren made his way over to Melanie as quickly as he could. Huffing and wheezing, he bent to put his hands on his knees, starting to get a sense of urgency all his own. "Wh-where-?" he tried to ask the child.  
  
    "She's down there, grandpapa!" He turned and looked to see where the child was pointing and felt his breath catch as he noticed a pair of armored legs protruding from the rubble. Though hardened from months of seeing a great many dead soldiers in this war, he still could not help but feel some pang of grief. The face of this body could not be seen, but he realized why Melanie had thought this was Commander Shepard; the body below wore dark green armor, the same as they had seen Shepard wearing many times in the vids.  
  
    "Melanie... Melanie, listen to me. I want you to go back to the town and get help. I'll need help." He grasped the child gently by the shoulders and peered into her eyes to make sure she understood. She nodded fervently, proud to be entrusted with such an important task.  
  
    "Yes, grandpapa. Just hurry! She's hurt!"  
  
    Warren nodded patiently and waited until the child had reached the stalks of corn again before turning back to look at the body down below. It lay too still, though the slight cavity in which it rested likely explained how it had survived re-entry without getting burned up. He had not wanted Melanie to be present when he reached the body, in case it was badly mangled. The old man tried to carefully make his way down without disturbing too much of the debris. His footing was precarious and he did not want to risk accidentally burying the body, or worse, himself, from a careless motion.  
  
    "I'm getting too old for this stuff," he muttered to himself, panting heavily as he finally reached the fallen soldier. He felt a constriction in his chest again as he now saw the body was indeed that of a woman. He knelt beside her and spared a moment to lift his head toward the heavens and whisper softly, "May your efforts bring lasting peace, may your sacrifice be always appreciated by those you served, and may God embrace you and find for you a place in His Kingdom. Go now to your final rest in peace." In a time when the heavens were readily accessible on graceful starships, some thought him foolish for still believing in some metaphysical realm in the clouds that was home to the dead, but he had clung to his beliefs tenaciously and he saw no reason not to offer a prayer for the departed now.  
  
    A bit apprehensive at what he might find, Warren very gently started to turn the body over. He suddenly felt all the breath rush out of his lungs at once as he stared down at the soldier. Even with her face a mass of bruises and covered in blood, there was no mistaking the face of Commander Shepard.  
  
    "Melanie was right," he muttered in disbelief. Feeling suddenly weak beyond even his advanced years, he sat down hard, tears prickling his eyes as he looked on the face of their savior, quite literally the savior of every sentient being in the universe.   


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrus and James take some 'shore leave.'

A pair of grey eyes opened and peered confusedly at the manufactured ceiling. She did not know where she was, but this was not right. She could not say why, precisely, but somehow, she knew she was not supposed to be here. She was sure of that much, at least. Thoughts came fuzzily. Why could she not remember?  
  
    Her body felt heavy and she tried to sit up but the only thing that happened was a strained groan. The noise startled her for a moment before she realized it had come from her own throat. Why was her body not responding correctly? What was wrong? She felt a flash of panic.  
  
    "Easy, child," a kindly voice said from over in the corner. Grey eyes darted to the side, the only part of her that could move easily and comfortably. An old woman got slowly, painfully to her feet and set down an archaic needle and thread. As she hobbled over, she smiled kindly down and a gnarled hand reached out to brush the other woman's forehead. "How are you feeling? Try not to move too much, Commander. To say you were pretty banged up would be an understatement."  
  
    Her brow furrowed. Commander? That did not make sense. She was not a commander... was she? The old woman noted the look and smiled gently. "Don't remember? That's all right. I'm sure it will come back to you, soon. To remind you, though, you are Commander Shepard, you saved Earth from the Reapers, and how you are still alive is a mystery to everyone. We have not been able to contact anyone in London to tell them the good news, however. Communications have been spotty and we're still trying to get everything up and running again."  
  
    Her brow furrowed again. London? What was so important about London? That's not where she lived... was it? Why could she not remember? She remembered heat and pain and then blessed darkness, but nothing else. Nothing before that.  
  
    "Wha-" her voice came out as a strained croak that surprised even the old woman who patted her arm gently.  
  
    "Let me get you some water, child. Just a moment."  
  
    The old woman hurried away and left Commander Shepard alone with her thoughts. She still doubted that she was this Commander Shepard. It did not sound right, but if she was not this Commander, then who was she?  
  
\-------------------------------------  
  
    Garrus stared down at his hands as he half-listened to the debate rage on around him. He knew it was important and he should be paying more attention but he could not bring himself to care. He felt so tired all the time, anymore, and he realized that his mind had a tendency to wander, ever since Shepard's death. He should be more alarmed about that fact than he was, but he found it difficult to worry about such things. Remembering Tali's sharp words to him about dishonoring Shepard by laying down and dying, he pulled his attention back to the conversation with some effort.  
  
    "- for the turians," Alenko said angrily, and Garrus looked around guiltily as he realized the major was arguing in the defense of his own people and he had been ignoring the conversation. Now he did not even know what had been said.  
  
    An older human male that he recognized vaguely as being in charge around here -Garrus had been introduced to the man once, but could not recall his name- pinched the bridge of his nose in some human gesture of exasperation. "Look, major, we're doing everything we can but it is difficult to accommodate everybody. We can't play favorites. We are making every effort-"  
  
    "Well the turians and the quarians have needs a little more urgent than the rest of us," Kaidan shot back and Garrus tilted his head in surprise. While it was true that the turians and quarians required food of an entirely different nature than the other species, he had never known Alenko to be such a staunch defender. Looking more closely at the human, he noted unusually dark circles under the man's eyes.  
  
    Clearing his throat mildly, Garrus was briefly taken aback at how quickly it drew their attention. "Please, Major. We will be alright, for now. We are not in any immediate danger of starvation and there are other things that are more urgent," he tried to put an end to the argument but in the distance, he caught sight of a tall, red-headed woman walking by and he felt his heart lurch painfully. When she turned her face in his direction, however, he realized there was no way he should have mistaken her for Shepard. Unnoticed by the turian, Kaidan and the older gentleman exchanged a look before saluting one another.  
  
    The older man left and Kaidan approached Garrus, following his gaze for a moment. "I miss her, too," he said quietly, his husky voice low with emotion.  
  
    Garrus blinked in surprise as he realized Kaidan was still there. Looking down at the shorter man, he hesitated over a reply, remembering that before he and Shepard had been together, she had been in a relationship with the human. "Kaidan, I..." he began to apologize but Kaidan waved him off.  
  
"It's done, Garrus. You made her happy, and that's all I could have asked for." Before the turian could formulate a coherent reply, Alenko nodded to him and wandered off to other tasks that needed attending to.  
  
Feeling guilty once more, Garrus realized that his own duties had been surprisingly light, of late, and he wondered if that was deliberate or not. Casually shouldering his sniper rifle, he set off in search of familiar faces, deciding it was past time he got some answers and started making himself useful around here. He heard Liara and Tali before he saw them and he came to a stop as their words drifted to his ears.  
  
"-worried about Garrus, Tali. It's not like him at all." Liara's voice was quiet with concern.  
  
Tali's filtered voice echoed the asari's feelings. "I know, Liara, but what else can we do? Perhaps he just needs more time."  
  
Liara sighed heavily. "We all miss her. I know he has more cause than the rest of us..." There was a long silence and then she seemed to shake herself out of her sadness as her tone grew more business-like.  "My intel has had reports of large pieces of the Citadel crashing to Earth and I have been trying to get more details, but the reports are intermittent at best. I do not wish to get anyone's hopes up, but there is a chance we might at least be able to recover the body."  
  
"Cerberus-" Tali began but Liara firmly cut her off.  
  
"No. I made that mistake once, and after what Cerberus has done recently... No. No, it is far better to let her rest in the peace she has earned."  
  
Garrus did not hear what else might have been said as the two women moved off but he stood there, stunned. If there was a chance, even remotely, that he could see Shepard again, if only to say a final goodbye to her mortal shell, he had to take it. He paused by Liara's momentarily abandoned workstation and left a note for the asari, telling her he was leaving but not giving a reason.  
  
"Where you sneakin' off to, Scars?" a familiar voice called out as Garrus tried to casually head for the shuttles. The turian suppressed a wince as James Vega came strolling over with a grin on his face and glanced around to see if anyone had overheard the man.  
  
"I'm not sneaking anywhere," Garrus replied as he kept walking. "Just wanted to get away for a bit."  
  
"Oh, cool. Mind if I tag along? This place is depressin' as hell." The soldier looked around the makeshift camp with a grimace.  
  
Garrus hesitated for a moment before answering. He did not want to tell James the truth, but refusing the man's company might lead to awkward questions. "I'm not sure when I'll be back, if you've got duties," Garrus began but James shook his head.  
  
"Nah, I've got some shore leave. Bosses told me to take a few days off."  
  
Suppressing a sigh, Garrus nodded. "All right, let's go, then." _Great_ , he thought as the two of them headed over to appropriate a shuttle.


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Garrus go hunting for closure and the Commander receives a visitor.

  "So... where we goin' again?" James asked after a long pause in their casual conversation. Garrus had deliberately kept the talk light-hearted, trying to avoid suspicion, but he should have known better. Vega was not remotely as dumb as he might act at times. Garrus had long suspected that James carefully cultivated an air of simple behavior to cover up some painful past, but he had never pried. If the man wanted to share the details with him, he would.  
  
   Realizing he could not keep his destination a secret from James for long, Garrus sighed. "The truth is, I'm not really going for a casual drive," he admitted, keeping his eyes straight ahead as he drove.  
  
   "Yea, I suspected as much," James said, not sounding at all surprised. He waited for the turian to spill more details and Garrus finally complied.  
  
   "I overheard Liara talking about pieces of the Citadel crashing onto Earth. She... said there might be a chance to recover Shepard's body." He waited for James to criticize his decision but to his immense surprise, James simply nodded thoughtfully.  
    "Sounds good. Any ideas where to start looking?"  
  
    Garrus turned his head to look at the marine in surprise. "You're not going to try and talk me out of it?"  
  
    James looked Garrus in the eye as he patiently explained, "Why should I? Closure's important, and you're not the only one who'd like a chance to give Shepard a proper goodbye." He waited a moment to let that point sink in and then asked again, "So, where we gonna start looking?"  
  
    "Well... I don't know, exactly. I guess I wasn't really thinking clearly when I left the camp or I would've checked Liara's information..."  
  
    James chuckled and shook his head. "Well, let's see if this radio's working. We can look for reports of nearby crashes. Something that big would definitely be noticed."  
  
    Gratified at James' willingness to help, Garrus let the human fuss with the radio while he focused on driving. He had to admit that it felt good to be out _doing_ something, instead of just sitting around the camp listening to petty bickering about how the supplies should be allocated. He would have thought after the destruction of the Reapers that people would be grateful and happy to work together, but it seemed that the goodwill had only lasted so long before the reality of being trapped in such close quarters really began to sink in.  
  
    With the VIs gone, a lot of the spacefaring ships would need a great deal of work to become spaceworthy again, and then they could finally get to work on either building their own mass relays or figuring out another way to travel quickly through hyperspace. He did not think anyone had realized just how much they all relied on the technology until it was gone. It was a rude wake-up call for a lot of people. It was just fortunate, then, that the majority of the universe's best and brightest minds were all trapped here in the same place. If anyone could solve this crisis, they certainly could.  
  
    "Apparently there have been reports of a lot of big pieces crashing down nearby," James said, drawing Garrus' attention back to the present. He looked over at what James was looking at and adjusted his course to head toward the coordinates on screen.  
  
    Garrus felt unexpectedly tense at what they might find there. He did not really want to see Shepard's mangled body but he could not bring himself to accept that she was really gone forever until he saw for himself. He thought back to Tali's comment about Cerberus and found himself selfishly imagining her being brought back to life again. She had already died and been resurrected once. Liara was right, though. Shepard deserved to finally rest. There was not even any guarantee they any longer had the technology to bring Shepard back even if anyone were willing to undertake that task. Gripping the steering controls tightly, he tried to mentally prepare himself for what they would find at their destination.  
  
\--------------------------------------------------  
  
    "Commander Shepard!" Melanie's small voice floated to the woman's ears and she turned around. She wondered guiltily if she was wrong to answer to a name that did not feel like her own, but everyone here insisted on addressing her as such and until she could remember her own name, it suited as good as any. Still, it felt like putting on airs to respond to the name of someone who was so clearly a celebrated hero to these people. They had once tried to show her a picture of this Commander Shepard and even she had to admit that the resemblance was uncanny. For some reason, however, it made her feel strangely uncomfortable to look at vids of such an amazing person so the townsfolk had stopped showing them to her.  
  
    Melanie came racing up and collided with the woman, wrapping her small arms around the tall woman's legs. "How are you today?" she beamed up at her hero.  
  
    The woman forced a smile and reached down to ruffle the child's hair. "I'm feeling much better today, thanks. What are you up to?"  
  
    Releasing the woman's legs, Melanie hitched her stuffed animal up in her arms and put on a very serious face. "Grandpapa told me to come get you. It's almost suppertime and he said a great hero like you shouldn't be getting your hands dirty out here." She screwed up her face as she tried to exactly repeat whatever she had overheard her elders say.  
  
    The woman looked around the field she was working in and tugged off her work gloves to run her fingers through her short red hair. "I like working out here. Gives me something to do." She knew that would scandalize the townsfolk, of course, but she did not care. If they had their way, they would not let her lift a finger to do anything, as if she were made of porcelain. It was driving her stir crazy. She felt the need to be doing something, anything. Working hard out in the field helped distract her from the emptiness of her memories. She knew she had to have forgotten memories of what had happened before the crash. She could remember everything clearly since the accident, so it stood to reason that the rest of her life up to that point should be lurking in her memories somewhere. Why could she not remember?  
  
    No. She carefully pushed those thoughts away, lest dwelling on it drive her to frustrated distraction again. The doctor here had assured her that the memories would return eventually.  
  
    A sudden excited commotion from back in town drew both their attention and the woman shielded her eyes to peer back against the setting sun. She saw people hurrying out of their homes and heading toward the opposite side of town toward something, but she could not make out what it was.  
  
    "Let's go see what's going on, hrm?" she asked Melanie. She reached out and took the little girl's hand and hurried back to the town. Everyone seemed excited but no one was alarmed, so whatever was going on must be a good thing.  
  
    "What's going on?" she called out to someone hurrying past as soon as she was in hearing range.  
  
    "A shuttle's approaching!" the person called back. "We don't know who it is but it's the first time we've seen any outsiders since the war ended!" The man excitedly hurried off toward the landing area. Exchanging a look with Melanie, the woman reached down and hoisted the child into her arms and headed over to join the crowd just as the shuttle came into sight.


	4. Four

"Commander, you don't know how good it is to see that you're alive. It's a miracle!" the man was saying.  
  
    Shepard forced a polite smile at the man she did not recognize but who certainly seemed to agree with these townsfolk that she was this Commander Shepard. They were seated on a small private patio at Warren's home where they could talk without the whole town listening in. The kindly family had even provided them with old-fashioned lemonade, but the woman felt decidedly uncomfortable sitting here alone with the two military dressed humans sitting across from her. Both the men could not stop beaming at her, which only served to make her even more uncomfortable.  
  
    "I already told you," she tried again. "I don't think I'm this... Commander Shepard. I have no memory-"  
  
    "Yes, yes, you've said," the older gentleman cut her off, causing her to frown. "It's clear you simply struck your head. We have excellent medical facilities in London, if you'd just come with us, we can see about restoring your memory."  
  
    "What are you doing out here, anyway?" she asked suspiciously.  
  
    "With communications spotty, we've been having to make contact with outlying towns in person," the younger man patiently explained. "We want to make sure everyone's all right, spread the good news, and see if people need anything. This was our last stop before returning to London. You could come back with us. Everyone would be so happy to see that you're all right..." He trailed off at the flat look she directed at him.  
  
    "I don't know why I should go with you. I don't know who you are, if you are who you say you are, or if you're even telling the truth about anything. The people here have been kind to me and taken care of me. Maybe I don't want to leave. It's nice here."  
  
    The two men stared at her in shock for several moments. "But... your duty to the Alliance-" the first began. "All of your friends are in London waiting for you," the second began right over top of the first.  
  
    "...friends?" she asked, unable to help herself from latching onto that word. People that might know her. But were they really even her friends or were they friends of this Commander Shepard? Surely they would know she was a fake... but what if she was not a fake? A small voice whispered in the back of her head that she owed it to herself to try and find out the truth.  
  
    The younger man nodded his head, looking pleased that she seemed open to the idea. "All the surviving Normandy crew members are in London. They'll be overjoyed to see you." She hesitated and, as if sensing her wavering, the second man jumped in.  
  
    "Dr. Liara T'Soni, Tali'Zorah, even Garrus Vakarian-"  
  
    If the man said anything else, she did not hear him. The moment she heard the name "Garrus," an image flashed in her mind of a heavily scarred turian, oddly gazing at her with... affection? That could not be right. Humans and turians were of a completely different genetic makeup, they could not even share the same food! Something must have shown in her face, however, for the two men shared a slight grin.  
  
    "I didn't say I would go with you," she snapped a bit peevishly and the older man quickly held up his hands in a defensive gesture to show he meant no offense.  
  
    "Just think about it, that's all we're asking."  
  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
    Garrus knelt at the edge of the crash site, trying to hide his disappointment from James who stood nearby. The big human had been respectfully quiet while Garrus searched for any sign of Shepard.  The locals claimed this twisted hunk of metal had come from the Citadel but it sure did not look recognizable as anything familiar to the turian. For all he knew, it could have come from any one of the numerous ships that had been destroyed by the Reapers.  
  
    James finally approached cautiously and patted Garrus on the back. "Come on, Scars. At least there's no sign of her body, so there's still hope-"  
  
    "Don't," Garrus cut him off harshly, looking away. "I'm not fool enough to believe she survived," he continued, after a moment. "I'll settle for giving her body a proper burial, or whatever it is that you humans do with your dead. That way, at least I can get closure." He concealed from the marine just how much those words cost him as he slowly rose to his feet. He shielded his eyes and looked out over the small town they had landed in, looking past it to the open space that lay beyond.  
  
    "They say there's another town about twenty miles east," James offered helpfully. "They heard reports of another crashsite nearby, if you wanted to check it out." The turian was silent for so long that James started to wonder if he had even heard. "Garrus?" he prompted.  
  
    "I heard you," Garrus said, sounding weary beyond his years. "All right, let's go check the next one..." He sighed and threw one last look over his shoulder at the wreckage before resolutely turning his back on it and leading the way back to the shuttle.


	5. Five

The woman sat stiffly between the two men, staring straight ahead as the shuttle sped swiftly toward London. She tried to ignore their pleased grins and just focus on what lay ahead, but it was difficult. She sensed nothing malicious in their intent, but something about their behavior still set her on edge; perhaps it was simply an anxiety about disappointing them when they realized she was not this Commander Shepard.  
  
It had been a tearful goodbye, leaving the little town behind, and it had been especially difficult saying goodbye to Warren and Melanie. The tearful child had smiled bravely, saying Shepard was needed back on the Normandy and that she understood, but she made the woman promise to visit again soon. Her stomach was in knots now, the further the town receded in the distance, and it only grew worse, the closer they got to London. She almost wished she had asked Warren and Melanie to come with her, if only for the comfort of kind, familiar faces. Melanie had even wanted to come, but the woman had not wanted to see the disappointment on the child's face if Shepard's friends had denied her identity.  
  
The two Alliance military personnel had radioed ahead to ask for the Normandy crew to be standing by upon their arrival, but they had not given any details as to why. They had told her later that they wanted seeing Shepard alive and well to be a surprise. The reverse thrusters kicked in and the shuttle began to slow and descend. The woman thought she was going to be sick but she managed to hold it together as the craft settled to the ground.  
  
She could hear voices outside as her two companions quickly unbuckled and moved to the door. The younger man, Tom, motioned for her to remain seated for now and she suspected he had some sort of grand speech to deliver first. She rolled her eyes in annoyance and as soon as the door opened and the two men stepped out, she got to her feet and looked out the door from the safety of a concealing shadow.  
  
Standing in a loose semi-circle, a small crowd had gathered and, among several humans, she was able to make out an asari wearing a white coat, a heavily scarred orange krogan joking crudely with a younger but larger krogan with unusual face plating, and a quarian's purple-tinted biomask.  Something lurched inside of her as she watched, not even hearing whatever pompous words Tom had prepared. There was something comforting about these faces, even if she did not consciously recognize them, and she could not say why. To her disappointment, there was no sign of the turian from that brief flash of memory she had experienced back on Warren's porch. She was so focused on watching the crowd of people that she failed to notice that Tom was motioning for her to step out and every face had turned toward the shuttle expectantly.  
  
Suddenly terrified, her mouth gone completely dry, it took every ounce of her willpower to step forward out of the protective shadow. The collective intake of breath as she stepped into view was the only sound and she blinked in the bright sunlight, shielding her eyes as she carefully stepped down. So many eyes on her and no one said a word. She thought her heart might burst out of her chest from nerves if someone did not say something soon.  
  
The scarred krogan was the first to break the silence as he let out a deep bellowing laugh. "Shepard!" He charged forward and wrapped arms like tree limbs around her, crushing her in a hug and lifting her off her feet. Everyone suddenly started talking at once and the asari was crying as she laughed and hugged the quarian beside her. The krogan was all but crushing the air out of her but his enthusiasm was infectious and the woman-Shepard, began to laugh with him. If the laughter was a bit hysterical from the relief she felt, well, no one was so crass as to point that out.  
  
Everyone began crowding around and thumping her back, expressing joy and amazement that she was alive and well. When the krogan finally released her, she was spun around and hugged by so many people that she began to grow dizzy and everything was a blur. Someone kissed her on the mouth before someone else crushed her in another hug, and she caught sight of several tear-streaked faces. She felt a bit guilty, still not knowing who these people were, but they seemed convinced of her identity, and, for now, that was enough.  
  
\----------------------------------------------  
  
The grizzled old man peered up at Garrus suspiciously, a tiny golden-haired child hidden behind him and clutching a stuffed animal to her chest. James rubbed the back of his head bemusedly, trying to suppress a smile and failing miserably as the little old man defiantly stared the big, war-scarred turian down. It was obvious the older man still held some hard feelings from the First Contact War years ago.  
  
"Grandpapa," the little girl said timidly, tugging on the old man's shirt.  
  
"Quiet, Melanie," he said sternly, not taking his eyes off Garrus. "What business do you have here?" he asked the two men.  
  
"Look, it's like we told ya," James began but the old man never even looked at him.  
  
Garrus sighed softly and rubbed his forehead for a moment. "We heard reports of Citadel wreckage crashing in the area. We just wanted to-"  
  
"Grandpapa!" the little girl tried again, her tiny voice more urgent this time.  
  
"What is it, Melanie?" he sighed in exasperation, looking down at the small, upturned face.  
  
"That's Mister Valkyrie," she whispered loudly in awe, adorably butchering the turian's last name as children were wont to do. She looked over at James and gave him a shy smile and hid more closely against her grandfather. "And that's Mister Vega." She managed not to mess up James' last name and she giggled when he grinned at her.  
  
"Vakarian and Vega from the Normandy?" the old man asked, startled and taking a closer look at the two of them. At Garrus' exasperated nod, he asked, "Are you here looking for Shepard?"  
  
Something in the old man's tone caused Garrus to stiffen, fighting to hold back the hope that suddenly flared to life in his chest. "How do you know that? Do you know something?"  
  
The old man recoiled slightly at the excitement in the turian's voice but, perhaps reminding himself that these were two of Shepard's trusted crewmates, he relaxed again, albeit with some difficulty. "I... We found Commander Shepard-"  
  
He froze as Garrus grabbed his arms and all but lifted the man off the ground. "Where is she?" he demanded. Melanie gasped in fright and James quickly interceded, putting a restraining hand on the turian's arm.  
  
"Easy, Garrus," the soldier said gently. "You're scarin' people." Garrus looked at James fiercely and the marine met his gaze very calmly until the turian carefully set the old man back on his feet.  
  
"Sorry," Garrus muttered guiltily as the old man straightened his shirt with careful dignity to regain his composure. "Shepard- The Commander is very important to me. If you know anything, anything at all, I would be very grateful."  
  
The old man gave his shirt another twitch and nodded stiffly. "It's quite all right. As I was saying, we found Commander Shepard badly injured. She has largely recovered," he added quickly when he saw Garrus tense. "But she seems to have lost her memory."  
  
"Where is she? I want to see her," Garrus said urgently.  
  
"She went back to the Normandy," Melanie piped up, ducking shyly behind her stuffed animal again when everyone looked at her.  
  
The old man nodded in confirmation. "She left just yesterday with a pair of Alliance officials. They were taking her back to London-" he trailed off as both Garrus and James took off for the shuttle, not bothering to wait for him to finish.


	6. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Note: this was written well before the Citadel DLC came out with the Shepard clone.

Shepard sat on the edge of the bed staring down at the picture from the nightstand. From a distance, it simply showed a picture of the _Normandy_ , but when she picked it up, it shifted to a view of the _Normandy_ crew from the attack against the Collectors. She knew from speaking to others that some of these crew members were now gone; they had given their lives in the fight against the Reapers. The drell had died of injuries sustained on the Citadel against a Cerberus assassin, though his disease had also played a part. The salarian doctor had given his life so that the krogan might have a future, and the orange krogan, Wrex, actually spoke admiringly of the doctor. Most puzzling of all was the geth, Legion. She recalled the war of the geth and the quarians that spanned centuries, but Tali'Zorah in particular had nothing but praise for the synthetic. It seemed that despite years of animosity, Legion's efforts and Shepard's had brought about peace between geth and quarian, and before the destruction of all synthetics as a result of the Crucible. It was extremely bizarre to hear about things she had done but have no memory of them whatsoever.  
  
She stared at the picture of the crew, trying to trigger something, anything. It felt like dishonoring the dead to have forgotten them. All the legacy they had in the mortal world depended on being remembered by those still alive. Still, no matter how long she stared, she couldn't remember.  
  
"Still don't remember anything?" a voice asked gently from the open doorway.  
  
Shepard looked up and saw Liara standing there. After the exuberant greeting at the shuttle, it had been necessary to inform everyone of Shepard's amnesia. She had been worried they might spurn her when they found out, but she had been met only with sympathetic concern. She was gratified, even if she didn't understand it.  
  
She shook her head and put the picture back on the bedside stand. "No, I'm sorry. Nothing seems to trigger it..." That wasn't entirely true, she thought, remembering the turian who was curiously absent. She had been unable to bring herself to ask about him, lest she find out he had been killed as well.  
  
Liara moved away from the door and came to sit beside Shepard. It was unfair that someone could be so beautiful and graceful, Shepard thought, watching the asari and feeling clumsy and ungainly.

Liara smiled reassuringly as she reached over and took Shepard's hand. "I'm sure it will return in time. The doctors seem confident that you will be as good as new."

Shepard gave a weak chuckle and shook her head again. "I hope so. It's weird feeling like an impostor, playing the role of someone you don't feel like you are. Especially some great hero..."  
  
Liara looked at her silently for a moment, just listening. "Well, perhaps it will reassure you that the medical scanners show you are a perfect genetic match for Commander Shepard. You are Commander Shepard, and my good friend. You should not be ashamed of losing your memory. The fact that you are alive at all is a miracle. And you have always been there for the rest of us, even when the galaxy was coming apart at the seams, you always had time to help the rest of us. It is a small thing to return the favor." Liara smiled, reaching up to brush unruly strands of red hair from Shepard's face and leaning close to plant a kiss on her forehead. "If you need anything I will be nearby." She rose and left the room, leaving Shepard once more alone with her thoughts.  
  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"Doesn't this thing go any faster?" Garrus demanded angrily of no one in particular.  
  
James chuckled quietly and shook his head. "I know, Scars. I'm going as fast as I can." The human was piloting the shuttle this time, stating that Garrus was too excited to get them back to London safely. Garrus had pointed out in turn that, of their combined track record, he was the only one of them that had not crashed a shuttle yet. In the end, however, he had let James fly because it was more expedient than arguing with the stubborn marine.  
  
Garrus stared out of the windshield, straining for a glimpse of London. Shepard was alive! She must certainly have spirits watching over her or the dumbest luck he had ever seen, to have cheated death twice. He hardly dared allow himself to believe it could be possible until he saw her for himself. He wasn't sure he could stand the crushing grief if it turned out to not be true. He had mourned the woman twice already; his heart would not be able to recover a third time.  
  
His thoughts were interrupted as the shuttle suddenly bucked, rocking them both.  
  
"What the-?" James began, when something struck the shuttle again. He began wrestling with the controls as they started to lose altitude. "Wish the damn VI was working!" James shouted in frustration.  
  
Garrus began looking at the screens, trying to determine what had happened to the shuttle when a glimpse of black and yellow caught his eye out of the window. "Are you kidding me?" the turian demanded in disbelief. "Cerberus!"  
  
"What?! I thought they went back under whatever rock they crawled out from!"  
  
"I thought so, too, but I guess that was too much to hope for," Garrus replied grimly. He could see the soldiers more clearly now that he knew what to look for; they were hidden all through the rubble outside, lying in wait. "Look out!" he shouted as he belatedly noticed a heavy mech fire a rocket at their shuttle.  
  
James frantically tried to adjust their trajectory but with the shuttle already damaged from the previous blasts, it was a futile effort at best. The rocket hit them full on the side, causing the shuttle to roll through the air until it smashed to the ground some distance away.


	7. Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew tries to help Shepard remember and James and Garrus are in a tight spot.

"Shepard, do you have a moment? I have something I wish to show you."  
  
It was Liara again, only this time she was carrying a small black box with her.  
  
Shepard looked up from the datapad where she was reviewing mission briefs from the Normandy, still trying to spark any memories. "Sure, Liara. Come in." She motioned for the asari to have a seat.  
  
Liara came into the room and set the box on the table before seating herself beside Shepard. "This was something I was working on before the destruction of the Reapers. It was meant to be a time capsule of sorts, holding all of the important information of this cycle, should the worst come to pass. After the Reapers were destroyed, I had forgotten about it until now. I had installed a VI named Glyph to help explain things to future generations. Unfortunately, he is inactive at the moment, but we can still access the data stored within." The asari paused and looked up at Shepard with big lavender eyes. "I had included an entry about you. I thought perhaps... it might help you with your memories."  
  
Shepard stared at the box on the table, trying to sort through the emotions that suddenly rolled through her mind. Hesitantly, she reached out and traced a finger along the edge of the box, absently noting how sturdy it seemed; certainly durable enough to last into the next cycle.  
  
"What do I have to do?" she asked quietly.  
  
Liara scooted closer and leaned past Shepard to activate the box and a beam of light shot toward the ceiling before fanning out and dissolving into a glowing web of holographic stars. Shepard's breath caught in her throat and she sat back, staring at the beautiful display while the asari adjusted a few controls on the screen that popped up. A moment later, a tiny holo of Shepard appeared above the box, hovering stationary, almost expectant. The woman stared at the tiny replica of herself, almost afraid of what might come next. After a few moments, the holo began to speak on its own.  
  
"My name is Commander Shepard. I commanded the Alliance vessel _Normandy SR-2_ and led the fight against the Reapers in our own cycle." Shepard stared mesmerized at the tiny image as it continued to speak about details of her own life as well as about the war against the Reapers.  
  
Liara sat silently beside her, watching Shepard's face as the woman listened rapturously to the recording, eventually reaching over to give her hand a squeeze. When there was a brief pause in the recording, Liara whispered to Shepard, "I'll leave this with you so you can listen to everything recorded on here in privacy." Giving the Commander's hand another squeeze, she slipped unnoticed from the room, Shepard too intent on the image in front of her.  
  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"Garrus..."  
  
The word filtered hazily through his dim consciousness, barely registering any familiarity.  
  
"Garrus!"  
  
There it was again, and more urgent this time. He tried to ignore it and go back to sleep but someone started shaking him, quite rudely.  
  
"Garrus, wake up!"  
  
Oh, bother... He supposed he should see what all the fuss was about.  
  
The turian opened his eyes and immediately regretted the decision as everything suddenly hurt. He gave a low groan that abruptly changed into a pained cough and he turned his head, spitting out drops of dark blue blood.  
  
"Garrus, can you walk? I know you're hurt but we have got to get out of here before Cerberus gets here." James was crouched beside the turian, cradling an assault rifle he had salvaged from the downed shuttle nearby.  The twisted wreck was barely recognizable as a shuttle anymore, smoke wafting from it in a most unfortunate signal flare of their exact location to all enemy troops in the area. Garrus realized he must have been ejected from the vehicle, which explained why everything hurt.  
  
He understood the marine's urgency, but he still needed a few moments to collect himself and to do a quick mental survey of his body. Being such a military society, his people were taught from a young age to calmly assess the damage out of practicality. He had stopped spitting out blood which likely meant no serious internal damage. His left arm felt strangely heavy and responded slowly when he tried to move it. That was greater cause for concern.  
  
"Won't be using my sniper rifle," he remarked absently as he started to test his legs. His left leg gave a faint twinge as he put weight on it but nothing seemed immediately serious. He must have landed hard on his left side.  
  
James helped steady the turian as he watched in all directions. "Scars, I don't mean to rush you but we really need to get moving..."  
  
"I know," Garrus said a bit testily. They could both hear sounds of approaching soldiers as well as the telltale mechanized thuds of heavy battlemech suits. He felt around quickly for his pistol and then finally allowed James to pull him away from the wreck. A scant second later, they heard another rocket being fired and the concussive force of the shuttle being annihilated threw them both off their feet again.  
  
Garrus stifled a loud cry as his already abused body screamed in pain, but it was imperative not to alert the approaching Cerberus troops of their new location. Far better to let the enemy think he and James had been in the shuttle when they destroyed it. James tumbled out of sight behind a broken building, his gun flying from his hand. Garrus lay perfectly still as he listened to see if Cerberus had discovered their attempted flight from the crash site. He could hear some of the soldiers speaking to one another but he could barely make out their words.  
  
As no sounds began to fan out in a search, he could only hope for the best. As silently as possible, he slowly pushed himself to his feet, crouching low as he gathered his pistol and hurried down to make sure James was all right. He found the big marine sprawled out, knocked out cold and sporting a long bleeding gash across his forehead. Cursing silently, he used his omni-tool to quickly apply some medi-gel, then helped the man sit up.  
  
"Keep quiet. They're still up there," Garrus whispered, handing James his gun. "They're probably waiting for the flames to die down enough to check the wreckage, so we have to get out of here, now, before they realize we're not in there."  
  
James nodded silently, wiping some of the blood off his face. "Let's get going, then. It's gonna be a long walk back to London as it is, and I don't want Cerberus doggin' our heels."  
"Yea..." Garrus agreed unhappily. That much longer to find Shepard...


	8. Eight

"Ya know, Scars, I been thinkin'," James commented as he and Garrus walked along a narrow deserted street. Tall empty shells of buildings surrounded them on either side, the wrecked city eerily silent.  They had been walking for two days now and had seen sign of no other living person. A few animals had sought shelter among the empty buildings, but any survivors had either relocated to a more defensible location or they were hiding from the two heavily-armored and armed soldiers.  
  
"About what?" Garrus asked wearily, not really in the mood to talk but opting to humor his companion for now.  
  
"About Cerberus. I thought the Illusive Man had turned them all into Reaper husk mutants."  
  
"Yeah, so?" Garrus' exhausted mind was missing the obvious point and knowing it made him more irritable.  
  
"So..." James said with exaggerated patience, "Shouldn't they all have shut down when Shepard activated the Citadel like the rest of the Reapers?" He easily clambered over a huge fallen block of stone, then stood waiting to help Garrus over it.  
  
The turian stubbornly refused help, not wanting to show how damned old the young marine was suddenly making him feel, but his heart was only half in it, too stunned by James' observation to put up much of a fuss when he lost his footing and the human quickly steadied him.  
  
"Maybe... not everyone had been turned into a Reaper hybrid?" he suggested tentatively, praying that were only the case. He could not bear thinking of the alternative.  
  
"Yeah, I hope so," James remarked soberly as he began picking a path through the debris that obstructed the cross street they stood on.  
  
Garrus had only a second's warning as his visor picked up a heat signature above. "Get down!" he shouted, tackling James to the ground as a well-placed shot passed through where the marine's head had just been. The two of them crouched low behind some rubble as Garrus tried to spot the shooter. His visor's adjusted magnification picked up nothing, however, and he cursed in frustration.  
  
"Guess we're not alone here, after all," James remarked dryly. "Cerberus?"  
  
"I don't think so," the turian said quietly. He was still scanning the buildings around them as he spoke. He cursed his injured arm which still was not strong enough to cradle his sniper rifle. He would have felt much better about having the weapon available right about now. Whoever had shot at them was doing a good job at hiding now. Not a trace showed up on his visor's scanners, yet neither he nor James dared move, yet.  
  
"Knew it was too quiet," the marine muttered, rifle held at the ready as he too scanned the buildings for any sign of their attackers.  
  
"We know you're still down there," a harsh voice called down, echoing off the surrounding buildings and effectively disguising the speaker's exact location. "You come heavily armed into our territory where the war is long since over. You can only mean trouble. Snipers are trained on your location; if you try to come one step further, you will be eliminated. I suggest you go back the way you came."  
  
James glanced at Garrus but it was the turian who answered the voice. "We don't want any trouble. We were returning to London when our shuttle was shot down by Cerberus. We're just trying to pass through."  
  
A long silence greeted this announcement and for a moment, Garrus thought the speaker was not willing to negotiate. Finally, the voice was back. "That's impossible. Cerberus was defeated with the Reapers. Everyone knows that." Unless the turian were very much mistaken, the voice sounded a bit shaken by the news, despite his adamant denial.  
  
"Yeah, we thought so, too. Right until they shot down our shuttle," Garrus shouted back. Meeting James' eye grimly, he put down his gun and made to step out of hiding unarmed. The marine shook his head vehemently but the turian gave a brief nod and moved out of cover, raising his arms over his head in the universal sign of "I mean no harm." To his relief, his injured arm actually behaved for the time being.  
  
James held his breath, every muscle in his body tense as he waited for a shot to ring out. Garrus' armor had powerful shielding but a well-placed shot from a good sniper rifle could rip through them like butter. Shepard had been deadly with one, notable for quick headshots before the target even knew she was there.  
  
The expected shot never came. The silence ran on as, presumably, the speaker conferred on what to do with them next. When the voice spoke again, James nearly jumped a foot in the air as the speaker was right behind him.  
  
"Put the gun down and keep your hands in the air. Turn around slowly," the man said, with a calmness to his tone that came from complete confidence in having the situation under control. James looked up and met Garrus' eye and the turian nodded slowly, keeping his own hands raised as more people began to appear out of the rubble. They were a ragged looking bunch, humans and aliens mixed, James even spotted a vorcha, but they were all heavily armed and carried their weapons as if they knew how to use them.  
  
Sighing, James slowly put down his rifle and got to his feet, keeping his hands in the air. "Take it easy," he told the speaker, finally turning his head to get a look at the man. It was an older human, grizzled with a scar across the right side of his face that appeared to be the result of some sort of blast. His body was bulky in a way that suggested he had once been firmly muscled before age had taken its inevitable toll, but he still carried his weapon with a confidence, keeping it trained on Vega.  
  
"You look familiar, boy," the leader said, spitting off to the side without ever taking his eyes off the marine.  
  
Garrus slowly turned so he could face the speaker. "He's James Vega and I'm Garrus Vakarian, formerly of the Alliance vessel SR-2 Normandy, crew of Commander Shep-"  
  
"Pull the other one," the old man interrupted with something between a laugh and a snarl. His eyes were like cold chips of ice, no emotion as he gave both of them a hard look.  
  
Not understanding the human phrase, Garrus glanced uncertainly at James. "It's true. Look at my tags if you don't believe us." James slowly reached into his collar and pulled out his military issue dogtags, holding them out for the leader to inspect.  
  
The older man frowned at him suspiciously and then nodded to one of his men to step forward and take a look. The man stepped forward as James held perfectly still, holding the tags at eye level. The man gave a sour grunt and stepped back, nodding to his commander.  
  
"Well I'll be damned," the old man muttered, staring at James and then glancing over at Garrus. Whatever else he thought about their claims would have to wait for it seemed the man had more urgent concerns. "You said Cerberus shot ya down? Any chance they followed ya in here?" At these words, some of his companions began looking around a bit nervously, as if Cerberus troops were suddenly going to start pouring out of every building. Not that James could blame them.  
  
"It's highly unlikely. They mostly seemed interested in our shuttle and they didn't seem to be hunting for us when we left the area," Garrus replied. The turian held his head proudly, as he eyed the old man in front of them. The delays to get back to Shepard were killing him, but he did not show it, outwardly as calm as ever.  
  
The old man nodded after a moment's silent consideration. "Right. Let's get outta sight, just in case. Then you can fill us in on what's been going on since those damn Reapers finally fell." He turned to go and his men fell in around James and Garrus, offering them no choice but to follow.  
  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
It was late in the evening when Shepard finally emerged from her room. She looked weary beyond words and her eyes were red as if she had been crying. She set off toward the mess, not quite remembering when she last ate but knowing instinctively that she would likely feel much better with a full belly.  
  
"Hey, Commander! Good to see you out and about!"  
  
Shepard turned and saw a man with a hat on limping toward her, a smile on his face that somehow never quite reached his eyes. There was a sadness in them that was only emphasized by his overly jovial attitude.  
  
"Hello, Joker," she replied, having taken a moment to guiltily recall his name. "I was just getting some food." She waited for him to catch up to her and then turned to walk beside him, moderating her speed so as to not outpace him.  
  
Joker tilted his head to peer up at the taller woman, eyeing her shrewdly. "Did you remember something finally?"  
  
Shepard glanced at him in surprise and then shook her head slowly. "No... I didn't," she sighed heavily. "Liara showed me a holo she had made, detailing the war. It was... hard to watch."  
  
"Yeah, try living it," Joker snorted. "Don't worry Commander. Everyone seems confident your memories will come back and you'll be good as new, and I can go back to being the resident handicap."  
  
Shepard glanced at him in surprise before realizing he was making a joke. They walked along in silence for a moment, Shepard mulling over a question she desperately wanted to ask someone. "Joker," she finally began, then hesitated again.  
  
"Yeah?" He glanced up at her, noting her obvious struggle. "What is it?"  
  
"Joker, um... what... what happened to Garrus?" she blurted it out a bit anxiously. "I mean... He's often mentioned in passing, but he's not here now and I wondered if..." She could not bring herself to say 'dead.' She could not consciously remember the turian, but pictures of him, hearing his name, caused something within her to lurch painfully.  
  
"Oh, Garrus?" Joker shook his head, looking relieved. "He's around, somewhere." The man paused and tilted his head. "Actually... come to think of it, I haven't seen Garrus or James in a few days. They should be here, though. Especially Garrus." She wondered what that meant. "I'll ask around and let you know."  
  
They reached the mess hall and Joker turned to keep walking on to wherever he had been heading but Shepard hesitated. "Joker?" The pilot stopped and looked back at her. "Were... Garrus and I close?" It sounded absurd to actually voice the question out loud. Whoever heard of a turian and a human?  
  
The pain was visible in Joker's face again for a brief moment before his voice took on a brisk, false cheer. "Oh yea, Commander. You two... you two were great together. Inseparable." He nodded at her, almost saying something more and then shaking his head. "I'll let you know what I find, Commander."  
  
She stood there in the hallway staring after Joker, no longer hungry.


	9. Nine

“... and we’ve been walkin’ ever since,” James finished relating the story of how the two of them had unwittingly wandered into this band’s territory. Garrus had remained notably silent, sitting on a bench along one wall and out of the way while James and some of the men sat around a table. Charismatic James had easily grown comfortable among this band of rag-tag fighters, but Garrus had known the human long enough to note the marine maintained a wary stance. Yes, James’ lighthearted foolish air was just a front for a very shrewd man underneath, no doubt about it. When Garrus had first met the big human, he had believed Shepard only kept him around because of orders from the Alliance, but eventually Garrus came to learn that James had earned his place on the _Normandy_ along with the rest of crew. He should have known better than to doubt Shepard’s judgment, at any rate.  
  
“That kid ever make ya tired just from the sheer energy?” a gruff voice said on Garrus’ left. Turning his head, the turian discovered the old man who led this group had sat down beside him.  
  
Chuckling weakly, Garrus nodded. “All the damn time. Makes me feel old.”  
  
The human eyed the turian shrewdly for a moment. “Sorry for damn near puttin’ a bullet in yer brain. We haven’t seen many people around here, ‘cept for people wantin’ to make trouble. You two wanderin’ in heavily armed didn’t endear ya to anyone, ya know.”  
  
Garrus nodded and rolled his left shoulder, testing for lingering twinges from the crash. “I can’t say that I blame any of you. The Reapers are gone, though. If you come back to London, there are people there that can make sure you get food and even help you get back home, wherever that might be.” His arm was still weak but strength seemed to slowly be returning, which reassured the turian greatly.  
  
“If they’re gettin’ people home, how come yer still here?” The old man tilted his chin roughly in Garrus’ direction, implying why is a turian still on Earth, the human home world.  
  
Slowly lowering his arm back to his side, Garrus sighed and turned his face away. “I’m looking for someone. That’s why I need to get back to London.” He thought of Shepard, confirmed alive and well, and the endless delays. Growling angrily in frustration, he slammed his fist into his leg. “Damn Cerberus bastards!”  
  
The group of men over at the table fell silent and looked over at Garrus, reminding the turian that he and James were still strangers in their domain.  
  
“Easy, Scars,” James said soothingly, glancing around at the tense men in the room. “We’ll get there soon, I promise.”  
  
Garrus exhaled slowly and nodded unhappily. When it seemed the turian was not about to fly off into a fit of rage, the men around the room slowly relaxed again and turned back to their conversation, and games of cards.  
  
The old man opened his mouth to say something to Garrus when a sudden shot rang out nearby. Shouting erupted from down below as a man ran into the room. “Cerberus is here!”  
  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Shepard held the the Black Widow sniper rifle, turning it over slowly and feeling the familiar weight of it in her hands. The fact that it felt familiar at all was cause for a small celebration, at least in her own mind. Finally, something that felt right. Too many things lately had felt wrong and out of place.  
  
She lifted the weapon and sighted through it, pinpointing a tiny target so far away that Jack standing beside her could not even make it out with the naked eye.  
  
“C’mon Shepard, you can’t hit that,” the tattooed woman scoffed, folding her arms and leaning back skeptically.  
  
“How many times have you watched me make shots like this and you still doubt me?” She squeezed the trigger and easily struck the target and then froze. The words had come out of Shepard’s mouth before she even consciously realized what she said. Where had they come from?  
  
Jack arched a brow and smirked at Shepard, looking impressed. “Well, well... Seems like some things are coming back to you after all.”  
  
Shepard slowly lowered the rifle, a bit shaken, but with a hesitant smile on her face. “It was just an instinctive reaction. I didn’t stop to think about it.” She turned to face Jack, disbelief all over her face.  
  
Jack grinned and playfully punched Shepard in the arm. “Maybe we should throw you into some combat simulations or something. Keep you on your toes, see if anything else pops up.”  
  
Looking down at the gun in her hands, Shepard had to concede that might not be a terrible idea. “That... might actually work. I’d have to operate on pure instinct,” she mused.  
  
“I bet the krogan’ll be willing to play,” Jack said, throwing an arm around Shepard’s neck and dragging her off through the camp. “Though that might cross into the realm of a little too realistic. Best way to get those instincts going though, right?”  
  
That was how twenty minutes later, Shepard apprehensively found herself facing Grunt and Wrex decked out in borrowed armor and cradling her Black Widow nervously.  
  
“You sure about this, Shepard?” Wrex asked, leaning his head to one side so that he could get a better look at her with his wide set eyes. He slapped a thermal clip into his shotgun as he waited for an answer and Grunt shifted from side to side in youthful excitement.  
  
Eyeing the two hulking mountains of lizard, Shepard was not remotely sure about this but she glanced over at Jack standing nearby, the woman grinning and giving her the thumbs up. “Not really,” Shepard answered Wrex. “But what other options do I have? Nothing else seems to be working and my automatic reaction is the only thing that’s come close to getting my memory back.” Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Tali wander over to stand near Jack.  
  
“What’s going on?” the quarian asked, her masked face looking between Shepard and the krogan.  
  
“Shep’s gonna fight the krogan,” Jack said casually, leaning on a stack of crates unconcernedly.  
  
“What?!” Tali’s voice rose almost shrilly in shock. “No no. That’s a terrible idea.”  
  
“Relax, Tali,” Wrex rumbled, beginning to walk away from Shepard. “We won’t bang her up... too much.” He laughed loudly at his own joke as Grunt followed after him.  
  
“Krogan humor,” Jack snorted, looking amused nonetheless.  “Don’t worry, Shep. I’ll throw a barrier up around you if it looks like you’re getting your ass handed to you.”  
  
“Yea, thanks,” Shepard muttered, not particularly reassured by that. Taking a deep breath, she moved into the designated ‘battle arena’, as Grunt called it, and took a brief glance around, sizing up her options for cover. Glancing in the direction the krogan had vanished, she felt a chill as she realized she had no idea where they had gone. How could something so big move so silently?  
  
Stepping cautiously to the side, she began seeking out higher ground, her instincts telling her she did not want to be on the ground when a krogan started to charge. Quickly checking the charge on her shields, she began climbing to a walkway, not bothering to keep her head down until a shot rang out and grazed the crate near her head. She yelped and immediately dropped down, cautiously peeking up to see if she could figure out where the shot had come from. There was no sign of whoever had fired the shot and the arena remained eerily silent.  
  
A gust of wind ruffled her hair and she scowled to herself. “Just laying here isn’t accomplishing anything,” she growled under her breath. Cradling her rifle, she began moving down away from the walkway where the krogan would expect her to continue. Feeling proud of her ingenuity, she turned a corner and felt her blood turn to ice at finding herself face to face with Grunt, the young krogan grinning as he pointed his shotgun at her head.  
  
“You’re dead, Shepard,” he laughed.  
  
Reacting instinctively, she lifted her left arm, a glowing disc exploding from her omni-tool and exploding upon contact with the krogan. The close proximity of the blast threw Shepard off her feet and behind some crates while Grunt yelled and slapped at the flames before they could burn entirely through his shields. Quickly picking herself up and still reacting on the adrenaline from her fright, she slapped a button on her omni-tool and the air shimmered around her as an energy field rendered her briefly invisible.  
  
Getting to her feet, Shepard ran quickly from the cover and dashed clear across the arena, keeping a wary eye out for Wrex as she dove back behind a new stack of crates just seconds before the invisibility field wore off. Breathing hard, she peeked cautiously around the corner and saw Grunt slapping out the last of the flames and grumbling angrily as he looked around for her. Quickly sighting through the scope of her rifle, she fired a shot at his shoulder, barely remembering to aim away from his head so as not to kill him. She had already ducked back out of sight and moved into new covering before the bullet even struck the young krogan. He yelled angrily but she did not wait around for him to find her, already hearing his lumbering footsteps as he charged toward where she had been hiding.  
  
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a flash of orange as Wrex moved out of cover to fire at her, the older krogan’s patience paying off having he waited for the human to reveal herself. She yelled and tried to fire another fiery disc at Wrex but her omni-tool had not fully recharged. Cursing, she put on a burst of speed and ducked out of sight again, rapid shotgun blasts peppering the ground behind her.  
  
“What the _hell_ was I thinking?” she demanded loudly of no one in particular.  
  
Nearby, Wrex laughed and called out, “Had enough already, Shepard? You’re getting slow in your old age.”  
  
“You’re one to talk,” she snapped back, launching into motion again as she relocated to new cover. “Besides, I died a few times. I think I have an excuse!”  
  
“Bah! Excuses are for the weak, Shepard!” Grunt called out. “You’re better than that!”  
  
She realized both krogan were slowly herding her into a corner and she cursed under her breath. Checking the charge on her omni-tool, she sighed in relief at seeing a full charge. Throwing up the invisibility field once more, she raced out of cover and dodged between the two krogan before they even knew she was there. Wrex spun and fired vaguely in her direction, then peered around suspiciously, knowing her invisibility would not last forever.  
  
Dodging at an angle, Shepard paused just before reaching the cover, sighted through the scope and fired a well-placed shot that instantly dropped Wrex’ shields, then ducked back into cover as the invisibility field dropped.  
  
They continued this game of cat and mouse for some time as the sun moved slowly overhead, Shepard always managing to stay one step ahead of the krogan. Their spectators grew from just Jack and Tali as more and more people stopped to watch what was going on. Shepard became more and more confident as she relaxed into the flow of the fight, the familiarity and instinct taking over completely. She did not realize it, though it was painfully obvious to the spectators, but a change came over her during the fight. She started it off clumsy and uncertain but her motions soon became smooth, graceful, and confident and she reacted without hesitation or thought for what she was doing.  
  
Sweating profusely after hours of hard fighting, Shepard sighted through her scope and waited. Juuuuust a few inches more... Across the field, Wrex leaned out to search warily for her and she squeezed the trigger, expecting to just remove the krogan’s shields again, but to her horror, the bullet sliced clean through and struck him in the neck with a burst of orange fluid as the krogan dropped to the ground.  
  
“Wrex!” she shouted in horror, diving out from behind cover and throwing her rifle down as she raced to her friend. Grunt poked his head out wondering what was going on, but noting Shepard’s expression, he slowly lowered his gun, realizing the fight was over.  
  
Shepard slid to her knees upon reaching Wrex and heard him making an odd gagging noise. “Oh no!” She frantically leaned over the massive krogan, trying to see the injury and then she realized he was not choking but laughing. He had his hand slapped over the bleeding wound but he was unmistakably laughing as he struggled to sit up.  
  
“Nice one, Shepard!” He slapped her on her shoulder with his free hand hard enough to stagger her, almost knocking her over. “I was starting to think you were losing your touch.” Grunt laughed with his clanleader as the spectators filtered in to see what was going on.  
  
“You krogan are all insane!” Shepard gasped, weak with relief. Someone from the crowd moved in to apply some medi-gel and tend to Wrex’ injuries but he impatiently waved the doctor away as he got to his feet. Wrapping an arm around Shepard’s shoulders, he began to steer her back to the Alliance headquarters.  
  
“Drinks are on me, Shepard. Best damn fight I’ve had in years... not counting the Reapers, of course.”


	10. Ten

Garrus ducked as a bullet ricocheted off the stone block near his head, far too close for comfort. “Guess turians know how to duck after all,” he muttered, remembering his last conversation with Shepard before the Citadel. He felt another pang, but quickly suppressed it. Now was not the time to get distracted with emotions.  
  
Nearby, James leaned up and fired a rapid burst from his assault rifle before ducking back down into cover.  “Cerberus bastards!” the big marine yelled. “What the hell are they still fighting for? I thought the Illusive Man was dead!”  
  
“No idea! Maybe this is all just a big misunderstanding and if you go down and ask nicely, they’ll go away!” Garrus shouted back to James.  
  
“Very funny. You’re as loco as the Commander.”  
  
To Garrus’ left, one of the defenders’ head exploded as a Cerberus assault trooper got off a lucky shot. The man crumpled to a heap, never even knowing what hit him before the lights went out.  
  
The turian growled and popped up from cover, the auto-targeting in his sniper rifle quickly zeroing in on the offending trooper’s head. Garrus squeezed the trigger and returned the favor before dodging back into hiding.  
  
“Nice shot!” James called over to him before jumping up to fling a grenade into a group below. The men shouted and tried to get out of the radius of the blast but the rubble that gave them such efficient cover also effectively blocked them in from making a quick getaway. The explosion shook the foundation of the building James and Garrus were crouched in, then everything fell silent.  
  
Garrus hesitated a few moments and then cautiously peeked out of cover, his targeting visor quickly scanning the area for any heat signatures. It picked up a bright glow from where the grenade had exploded, but it did not register any remaining life forms.  
  
“I think it’s clear,” he said quietly. Cautiously, the surviving men moved out of cover and began searching down below and to check on their wounded.  
  
Garrus stood up and rubbed at his brow, shouldering his rifle with a sigh.  
  
“Think they followed us here?” James asked, standing beside the turian and looking down at the men below.  
  
“I suppose it’s possible. They might have realized there were no bodies in the shuttle and figured this was a logical destination.” Garrus watched the old man who led the group directing people down below, and he realized he had never caught the man’s name. Probably intentional, he mused. He knew many older humans still harbored grudges against the turians for the First Contact War.  
  
“Wish I knew what they were after, or what they could possibly want now that the war is over.”  
  
“Maybe they’re just a ragtag band of vigilantes trying to cause trouble since their organization fell apart.” Garrus watched as the men began dragging Cerberus corpses away and sighed, heading down to join them. He stopped beside the old leader, continuing to cradle his rifle in his arms, despite the fact that his injured arm now ached something fierce from having forced it into action during that firefight. He would rather suffer a hurt arm than a bullet to the skull, all things considered, and there was no telling if there were more Cerberus troops inbound or one of these ‘corpses’ could be faking.  
  
“You two’re pretty handy in a fight,” the old man said, spitting off to the side as he watched his men work. “Course, if they’re huntin’ you, gonna have to ask you to leave.”  
  
Garrus did his best to hide the surge of relief he felt at that statement. He refrained from commenting that he had never intended to stop in the first place and contented himself with a nod.  
  
James, however, had no such compunctions. “Good. I want to get back to London anyway.”  
  
“Got one still alive, sir!” One of the men stood on a fallen block and waved his arm to get his boss’ attention. The old man cursed and jumped down, hurrying over to see, Garrus and James following.  
  
The Cerberus trooper was leaning against a pile of rubble, hand pressed against his side where a steady stream of blood was pouring out to pool on the ground. He was missing his left arm entirely, but all four men aimed their weapons at him just in case.  
  
“Why’re you bastards here?” the old man demanded. “We got no quarrel with Cerberus.”  
  
The trooper gave a laugh that echoed hollowly in his helmet, though it soon turned into a gurgling wheeze. “Alien... filth...” he gasped. “Leave Earth...” He attempted to say more but his injuries were getting the best of him and he ended up gagging violently before falling over and going still.  
  
James frowned angrily as he slowly lowered his gun. “I thought that kind of xenophobic bullshit would be finished after all the aliens joined with us to save the galaxy.” The old man glanced sharply at James but did not comment, lowering his own gun as well.  
  
“Get this crap outta here,” he muttered to his men, motioning to the corpse. He motioned again, this time for James and Garrus to follow him as he headed back inside the ruined building. “I don’t hold any love for turians, but I don’t believe you two’re here to cause any trouble for me and my people. You’re free to leave, and the sooner the better, if ya ask me. You’re all right, I just can’t have any trouble for my people.”  
  
Garrus nodded in understanding, placing a restraining hand on James’ shoulder when it looked as if the marine might protest about the ‘no love for turians’ comment. “We understand. We’ll get out of your hair immediately,” he said, using a human turn of phrase he had picked up somewhere.  
  
“I wish we had a vehicle to spare for ya, but resources are in short supply right now.”  
  
“It’s all right. We can let people know where to find you when we get back to London, if you prefer. They might be able to send people to help...” the turian offered.  
  
The old man shook his head, holding up a hand to forestall that train of thought. “I’ll have to talk about it with my boys, first. They might want to head to London, they might not. We’ll see.”  
  
Garrus nodded again and then extended his arm in the human gesture of a handshake. The old man hesitated for a moment and then slowly reached out to shake the turian’s hand. Quickly retracting his hand again, he gave a grunt and nodded his head, turning to go.  
  
Garrus glanced at James and the human shrugged. “Let’s get out of here, Scars. I’ve had enough of this place.”  
  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Shepard poked silently at the food on her plate, listening to the raucous conversation going on around her as the two krogan tried to outdo each other with tales of their exploits. Grunt’s arrogance and skill had given him a strong start but Wrex was significantly older and had a great deal more experience to draw upon so the younger krogan was fighting a losing battle. It was good to hear people who were cheerful but the events of the day had left the woman with much to think about. She did not hear another approaching until a tray of food slid onto the table beside her and she looked up to see the prothean, Javik. The name came to her easily, a fact she registered with some surprise.  
  
“Commander,” the taciturn alien said by way of greeting as he sat down beside her. He eyed the plate of food without any real enthusiasm. “Perhaps with the war finally over, there will eventually be a chance for real food.”  
  
Shepard arched a brow at him, though something told her his attitude was hardly anything new, even if she could not consciously remember it. There was silence between them for a moment while the prothean picked up a roll and began to eat, all four of his eyes staring straight ahead and ignoring the many people in the mess hall. He chewed slowly and methodically, making almost a ritual of it; his body required sustenance to keep moving so it was simply another task to be completed with grave attention to detail.  
  
He swallowed carefully and then turned his head to look at her. “I am to understand that you have lost your memory?” At her nod, he turned his attention back to his food. “A memory shard of your life would have been most useful in this situation. In my cycle, this would have been but a momentary setback.”  
  
Shepard frowned slightly and felt obliged to defend the people of her own cycle. “They’re doing the best they can, but we’ve recently had more important things to occupy our time,” she reminded him pointedly, a hint of irritation creeping into her tone.  
  
Javik was silent for a moment before conceding the point. “You are correct, Commander. I will not forget that your people achieved what my own could not.” He chewed mechanically again. “I understand the turians hold a belief that even one survivor at the end of a war is considered a victory. The turians would say my own people also achieved a victory, then. The turians of this cycle have surprised me. Their military society is almost prothean.”  
  
“And what of the krogan?” Wrex demanded, having overheard the last comment. “We’re the best damn fighters in the galaxy.”  
  
Shepard tensed as Javik silently appraised the two large krogans, realizing she was squarely in the middle should a fight break out. Javik surprised her, however. “You are powerful fighters, yes, but you lack the military discipline. Perhaps in time that will change, given the recent... adaptations your people have received.”  
  
“Adaptations nothing,” Wrex grunted sourly before slapping Shepard heavily on the back. “Cured is what you mean. Thanks to Shepard, here.”  
  
“And Mordin,” Shepard added solemnly, again surprising herself and everyone within hearing with her spontaneous recollection.  
  
“And Mordin,” Wrex agreed. “Never thought one of those damn pyjaks would become a hero of our people.” He shook his head in amazement and Shepard smiled, hearing the respect in his voice nonetheless. A ludicrous image popped into her head of the salarian singing a parody of Gilbert and Sullivan and she shook her head in disbelief. She really must have hit her head hard.  
  
She picked up her tray and got to her feet. “I’m gonna get some rest. Try not to kill each other while I’m gone.” Once she was alone in her quarters, however, sleep would not come and she lay awake late into the night.


	11. Eleven

Garrus peeked over the pile of rubble and turned his head slowly, his visor carefully scanning the area for any signs of life. A scraping noise behind him indicated James was crawling up to join him, but the turian kept his gaze watchfully ahead.  
  
“James,” he said quietly, “I think we’re almost there.”  
  
They had been walking for days, judging direction as best they could without the many computerized tools they were used to having at their disposal. How dependent their society had become upon the technology. It was a strange adjustment to get used to navigating on their own, but the two men believed they were heading in the right direction. They avoided other settlements by silent mutual agreement whenever they spotted one. There had not been any further sign of Cerberus but they did not want to take the chance and inadvertently get innocent people attacked again.  
  
James finally hauled himself up to eye level with Garrus and looked out over the land ahead. He was silent for a few moments, the breeze ruffling the short tuft of hair on his head. The air carried with it a faint aroma of smoke and a harsh, acrid scent that Garrus identified as a remnant from the giant Reaper carcasses that still dotted the landscape in greater frequency the nearer they got to London. One was on its back just off to their left, legs curled inward like the giant bugs they so resembled. Garrus could not detect any people around it and assumed that everyone would be more concerned with clearing away the fallen machines that lay closer to the living areas.  
  
“I think you’re right, Garrus,” James said, a rare occasion of using the turian’s actual name instead of a nickname. “We might be able to reach it by this afternoon.”  
  
There was a hopeful note in the human’s haggard tone. Neither of them had been prepared to spend days walking in full armor, climbing over piles of rubble and debris. Food and water had been all but impossible to come by, especially for the turian who could not eat the same food humans could. He had not said anything to the marine, but it was obvious James knew the turian could not go on much longer like this. Garrus found himself stumbling and slipping more often than he cared to admit but every time it happened, James was right there to lend a hand. Garrus knew just how critical his situation was becoming because he no longer felt irritated by the help.  
  
“Well, we won’t get there at all if we just keep sitting here.” Garrus gathered his sniper rifle and pushed to his feet, hiding the unsteady wobble by making a show of checking the amount of thermal clips he had left. Turians were trained from a very young age to push through tough situations and to conceal weaknesses that might be used against them, but though Garrus could conceal the dire situation to outsiders, he could not lie to himself any longer. Things were looking grim.  
  
James eyed his companion dubiously for a moment but gave a reluctant nod as he got to his own feet. He was in better shape than the turian by virtue of being younger and they had been lucky to come across a cache of human food in a partially standing building a few days back. Still, he was looking a bit worse for the wear, nonetheless. Opting to make light of the situation, James led the way down the to the ground with a joke.  
  
“Man, I can not wait for a shower when we get back. One shower probably won’t be enough to get rid of the smell of hanging out with an unwashed turian, of course.” He smirked over his shoulder but Garrus, too focused on reaching ground level without falling flat on his mandibles, did not even muster a smart ass retort. James’ smirk slipped and he fell back to walk beside the turian though he did a good job at making it appear casual, rather than being close to help if Garrus fell.  
  
The two soldiers had just started off when a bullet whistled past and pinged hard off the metal side of a crashed shuttle beside them. Cursing, they ducked behind the fortuitously located shuttle and tried to figure out who was shooting at them by peeking around the twisted wreckage. Leaning out for a second to look around the shuttle, James suddenly pulled back with an angry yell.  
  
“Loco sons o’ bitches!” he growled. “It’s Cerberus again! Looks like they’re pulling out all the stops to try and off us before we reach London. I can’t believe this!”  
  
“I thought they just wanted aliens off their planet,” Garrus remarked as he sighted along his rifle and removed the head of a Cerberus trooper mid flight who was using his rocket boosters to move swiftly to ground level. Exhausted he may be, but the adrenaline of an impending fight was already giving him new energy. He was so close to finding Shepard again, these Cerberus bastards would not stop him now, not after everything they had been through.  
  
“I’m thinking...” James paused to duck out and fire off a few shots before pulling back into cover, “they’re loco anyway, and now there’s a power vacuum with the Illusive Man gone. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re not just turning into disorganized mobs and terrorizing any aliens they find.”  
  
“Lucky me,” Garrus said drily. “This is a really  bad spot to be pinned down,” the turian pointed out as Cerberus troops were trying to get around the shuttle and come at them from several directions at once. He picked off another trooper that chose the unlucky moment to poke his head out of cover, the skilled sniper exploding his head with a clean, well-placed shot.  
  
“Well I didn’t exactly pick this place for a picnic,” James retorted, firing off a few more rounds.  
  
The turian grunted and focused on taking out as many of the hostile forces as possible with as few shots as he could manage. The advancing troopers slowed when they realized their targets were putting up more than a token resistance and then it became something of a waiting game, each side hiding behind rubble and waiting for their enemy to peek out of cover. Despite Cerberus’ greater numbers, James and Garrus were far more skilled and used to fighting together against larger odds. The dead Reapers nearby were silent testament to that.  
  
Garrus scowled as he fired off a shot with his rifle and realized he was nearly out of clips. “James, we have got  to get out of here!” He folded up his rifle and slapped it onto his back, switching to his pistol.  
  
The marine glanced over at the tiring turian and checked his own supply of weapons. “Right... I got... one grenade left. That’ll have to buy us enough cover to make a run for it-”  
  
“Run?!” Garrus looked out past the shuttle they were hiding behind and saw precious few options for cover once they moved out from their current location. “Run where?”  
  
“You got any better ideas?” the human retorted.  
  
“Not really,” Garrus realized reluctantly.  
  
“What if we ran back toward them?” James asked, firing off a few more shots with his assault rifle just to hold the troopers off.  
  
“What?!” Garrus demanded. “Running towards your enemies isn’t exactly a sound tactical strategy in most cases, James,” he reminded the human. “Not when they’ve got you outnumbered and outweaponed.”  
  
“Tsk tsk,” James shook his head at Garrus with a lopsided grin. “Never thought I’d see the day when a turian backed down from a fight. I might have to tell the krogan you guys are losing your edge.”  
  
“There’s a difference between suicide and giving your life to the cause,” Garrus shouted back over a grenade explosion from Cerberus that was a little too close for comfort.  
  
James was about to reply when a low hum of engines was heard and a shuttle flew past their position, firing into the ranks of remaining Cerberus troops that had been descending under the cover of their own grenade. The human and the turian threw themselves down as the explosion rocked the wreckage they were hiding behind. After the concussive blast faded away to a dull ringing in their ears, James and Garrus slowly lifted their head to see the shuttle flying off into the distance.  
  
“How do ya like that?” James muttered in disbelief.  
  
“Maybe they didn’t see us?” Garrus pondered, pushing himself painfully to his feet. There was complete silence from where the Cerberus troopers had been pinned down.  
  
“So they shoot Cerberus and don’t bother to find out what they were shooting -at-?”  
  
The turian sighed, sounding utterly weary now that the shock of the fight was wearing off. “I don’t know, James... Let’s just get moving before more come back.”  
  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------  
  
“Commander!”  
  
She turned her head quickly at the shout, responding the name far more easily with every passing day. She straightened slowly from where she had been examining some blueprints on Tali’s omni-tool as a soldier came rushing into the building, his eyes looking a bit wild around the edges as he sought out the woman. The man was obviously a raw recruit, not trained in proper military etiquette but the Commander could not even remember her own name so she let it slide.  
  
“Hey, take it easy,” she tried to soothe the man. “What’s wrong?”  
  
“A report just came in from Lieutenant Cortez, ma’am.” The soldier snapped off a quick salute. “He was flying a shuttle on transport duty, bringing in a squad of krogan when he saw some Cerberus troops firing at a couple of pinned down soldiers.”  
  
“Cerberus?” Tali demanded, stepping up beside the Commander, her filtered tone one of incredulous disbelief.  
  
“Yes, ma’am,” the young soldier nodded at the quarian. “He took out the troopers but was unable to pick up the soldiers because his shuttle was already overloaded with the krogan. He’s rushing back here to drop off the krogan. He said you’d want to come with him.”  
  
“Ok... why is that?” Shepard frowned, trying to follow the logic.  
  
“He said it was James and Garrus-”  
  
Garrus.  
  
Whatever else the soldier might have said, Shepard heard not a word of it. She staggered and clutched a hand to her head as a wash of memories suddenly came flooding back into her mind.  
  
 _-A scowling turian C-Sec agent arguing with his superior.  
  
“Saren’s hiding something. Give me more time! Stall them.”  
  
\- “The lines between good and evil blur when we’re looking at people we know,” she replies, trying to comfort the distraught turian.  
  
“Yeah... There was still good in him. I could see it.” He seems to be trying to convince himself. “It’s so much easier to see the world in black and white. Grey? I don’t know what to do with grey...”  
  
\- She sits on a crate looking up at Garrus, just smiling as she listens to him talk. “How do turian crews get ready for high risk missions?”  
  
“With violence, usually.” He unconsciously slipped into what humans called parade rest as he thought back on his days in the turian military. “Turian ships have more operational discipline than your Alliance, but fewer personal restrictions-” He goes on to discuss how the turians handled their crew but she was only half listening.  
  
Managing to remain outwardly calm and collected, inwardly her heart is pounding in her ears as she deliberates on what she intends to say next. Is she crazy? She has never heard of such a thing before, though she had seen plenty of other cross-species liaisons.  
  
The turian himself suddenly gives her the perfect opening, completely unbeknownst to him, and she has to take it. There will never be a better time.  
  
“We, ah, ended up holding a tiebreaker in her quarters. I had reach, but she had flexibility. More than one way to work off steam, I suppose.” He sounds marginally embarrassed.  
  
Taking a deep breath, she gets to her feet and puts on a confident smile that has worked well for her in the past. “It sounds like you’re carrying some tension. Maybe I could help you get rid of it.”  
  
Garrus looks flustered. “I, ah, didn’t think you’d feel like sparring, Commander.”  
  
She smirks and steps closer to him. “What if we skipped right to the tiebreaker? We could test your reach... and my flexibility.”  
  
“Oh! I didn’t...” He backpedals and she can almost hear the gears turning as he processes this wholly unexpected outcome and promptly resorts to his favorite tactic of deflecting with humor. “Huh... Never knew you had a weakness for men with scars... Well... why the hell not? There’s nobody in this galaxy I respect more than you. And if we can figure out a way to make it work, then... yeah, definitely.” Excitement colors his tone as he turns and looks back at her as if seeing her for the first time. She decides she rather likes this look.  
  
-Garrus shifts nervously before her and it strikes her that this is the first time she has ever seen the turian in clothing other than his armor. He seems to be going over points in his head as he holds a bottle of wine and rushes over to turn on some music, trying to make everything perfect. She fights a smile at his awkward attempts at flirting with her, determined that he does not think she is laughing at him. How can he know how endearing he is in this moment, so earnest and eager to please?  
  
“...hopefully that’s not offensive in human culture. Crap, I knew I should’ve watched the vids. Throw me a line here, Shepard,” he sounds worried and frustrated and she finally takes pity on him.  
  
“Calm down, Garrus. You’re worrying too much... and talking too much.” She turns off the music.  
  
   “I... I just... I’ve seen so many things go wrong, Shepard. My work at C-Sec, what happened with Sidonis... I want something to go right... just once...”  
  
She reaches up and caresses the side of his face that so recently took a blast from a rocket and he abruptly falls silent, watching her uncertainly as she leans in-_  
  
The memories came faster and faster. She realized she was lying on her back and people were running around her, shouting.  
  
\- _Garrus takes her hands and looks down at her intently. “It’s going to take more than Reapers to come between this cross-species liaison.”  
  
\- “Are you ready to be a one turian kind of woman?”  
  
“The only thing that made leaving Earth bearable was knowing you were out there somewhere.”  
  
“I felt the same way. The worst part about the galaxy going to hell would’ve been never getting to see you again.”  
  
“Well here I am, right where I want to be. I love you, Garrus Vakarian.”  
  
\- ”It’s all hanging by a thread, Garrus.” She looks up at him, vulnerable and desperate, a side she lets no one else see, a side she can afford to let no one else see. With him, she doesn’t have to pretend.  
  
“Sure, but the truth is, when hasn’t it? Every fight we’ve ever seen could’ve been our last,” he comforts her, a calm pillar of strength when she needs it most. “Every bullet could’ve been the one.”  
  
She chuckles weakly. “There have been a lot of bullets.”  
  
“Exactly, and this time around, the bullets are just a little bigger.”  
  
She gives another faint chuckle and gently touches his face. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” _  
  
Tears streamed down her cheeks and the voices around her were desperately calling her name but she ignored them. She needed to remember these things. She didn’t have the words to tell them that. She needed this.  
  
\- _Blasts shake the buildings around them and the screams of the dying echo off the walls. This might be their only chance to say goodbye. Garrus turns his head and looks outside for moment._  
  
“James told me there’s an old saying here on Earth. ‘May you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you’re dead.’’ Not sure if turian heaven is the same as yours but if this whole thing goes sideways and we both end up there, meet me at the bar. I’m buying.”  
  
She stares at him fiercely. “We’re a team, Garrus. There’s no Shepard without Vakarian, so you better remember to duck.”  
  
“Sorry, turians don’t know how. But I’ll improvise.” He steps close and takes her hands. “And Shepard... Forgive the insubordination but your boyfriend has an order for you. Come back alive. It’d be an awfully empty galaxy without you.”  
  
She hugs him tightly, trying to delay the inevitable of letting him go and facing the Reapers once more. Tears choke her as she finally steps back. “Goodbye, Garrus. And if I’m up there in that bar... and you’re not...” She has to pause, unable to continue for a moment. “I’ll be looking down. You’ll never be alone.”   
  
She sat up, her entire body shaking. Tali crouched behind her and helped support her as she shuddered from the impact of all the powerful emotions assaulting her at once. Liara was there, violet eyes worried as she peered into Shepard’s face, tenderly brushing the strands of hair back.  
  
“Shepard?” she asked gently. “Can you hear me?”  
  
“Garrus. I have to go to Garrus,” Shepard gasped. Struggling to her feet, she pushed free of the worried crowd and raced outside toward the shuttle landing pad.


	12. Conclusion

“Doesn’t this thing go any faster?” Shepard demanded of Cortez in unconscious echo of Garrus’ previous words to James a few days prior. She stood behind the pilot hanging on to a bar overhead dressed in full armor and cradling her Black Widow, too full of energy to sit calmly and wait until they reached their destination.  
  
She finally remembered. She remembered everything!  
  
“I’ll get you there, Commander, don’t worry,” the unflappable man replied, though she noted he sounded a bit strained nonetheless. He was likely worried about James, she realized; they had been friends for a long time. She felt a flush of warmth as she happily -remembered- these things about the people she knew.  
  
“Sit down, Shepard,” Wrex replied from the back where he lounged lazily. “Nothing you can do until we get there and no sense wasting your energy stressing over it.”  
  
She shot the krogan a sharp look and surprisingly he fell silent. He had insisted on coming along and in fact refused to get out of the shuttle. It had been more expedient to let him come along than it was to find Grunt and have him pull the older krogan out. There was no guarantee that Grunt would do such a thing anyway. More likely he would have just insisted on coming along, too. As it was, they had been forced to refuse quite a few offers to help as everyone had wanted to come.  
  
Liara was sitting next to Cortez in the cockpit muttering to herself as she scanned over something on her omni-tool. Tali was in the back arguing with Kaidan about something Shepard could not hear. With the exception of Cortez and James, Shepard realized this mission included everyone who had been with her from the very beginning, when they thought Saren was the worst of their problems. She snorted softly at the remembrance of such naivete and turned her attention forward again.  
  
Garrus was out there somewhere and he needed her.

And she needed him.

  
\----------------------------------------------------------------  
  
They had not gone more than ten feet before more shots rang out. Garrus snarled in furious disbelief at the persistent insanity of the Cerberus troopers.  
  
“Maybe... they know... who we are...” James panted as he broke into a run, both of them already so exhausted.  
  
Garrus tried to keep up with the marine but this time the anticipation of a battle did nothing to restore his flagging energy. His body simply had no more left to give.  
  
Realizing the turian was not beside him, James turned and provided cover fire, both of them desperately searching for any place to duck behind for a tactical defense. Their options looked grim but neither of them gave voice to it. There was no point. Garrus lifted his head and looked longingly in the direction of London. So close to getting her back... He thought he saw something in the sky coming toward them but James suddenly yelled.  
  
“LOOK OUT!!”  
  
Before the turian had time to wonder what was going on, there was a deafening sound and he was thrown off his feet, everything disappearing in a white blast. Not again... he thought dazedly, his mind drifting back to that time in Omega when he was struck by a gunship rocket. He floated in a haze for a moment before sounds dimly began returning. Head lolling on his neck, he realized he was on his back and he heard voices up close shouting to one another. Squinting through blurred vision, he saw a shadow approach and loom over him as he felt a kick painfully jar his side.  
  
“This one’s still alive!” the shape above him shouted to his companions as he raised an assault rifle and aimed at Garrus’ unprotected head.  
  
 _This is how it finally ends,_ Garrus thought to himself, oddly calm to be facing his death yet wistful that he had not been able to make it back to see Shepard one last time. _I’m so sorry, Shepard... I almost made it back to you..._ He kept his eyes open, refusing to give the trooper the satisfaction of thinking the turian cowed. A shot rang out and he flinched, then blinked in surprise as the trooper was thrown backward by the force of a bullet, a spurt of warm blood fountaining from his throat as he fell.  
  
Garrus turned his head painfully, his vision wavering as he heard still more shouting. A vision with fiery red hair was running toward him, yelling words he could not make out. In that moment, he knew he was dying. His mind was giving him a final vision of the person he most wanted to see before the end.  
  
 _Shepard..._ he thought lovingly, feeling his mind begin to drift.

\----------------------------------------------------------------  
  
“Garrus!” Shepard threw her gun down and slid on her knees beside the turian, frantic as she cradled his head, unable to breathe around the surge of panic in her chest. “Garrus! Oh please, no! Don’t die on me, soldier. That’s an order!” Around her head bullets were flying as her squad members fired at the remaining Cerberus soldiers putting up a good fight but she was unaware of them as she fumbled for medi-gel with her omni-tool.  
  
Upon hearing his name, Garrus’ eyes flew open and he gasped, struggling to fix on her but it was obvious his vision was failing him.  
  
“Sh-Shepard...?” he gasped in disbelief, momentarily choking as he spat up dark blue blood. Tears streamed down her face as she pressed her omni-tool to his side and reached for his hand as it struggled to reach her, pressing her cheek into his palm.  
  
“I’m here, Garrus. Just hang on,” she whispered to him.  
  
“Shepard!” It was Liara, the asari rushing over. Shepard belatedly took note of the fact that silence now reigned, save for the grumbling of Wrex, and James’ cursing.  
  
“Liara... Garrus... I...” Shepard said brokenly, unable to form a coherent sentence.  
  
Liara’s brow furrowed with concern as she looked the turian over, passing her omni-tool over his body. “This is bad, Shepard. We need to get him to a doctor immediately. Wrex! We need your help!” She turned and yelled at the krogan, beckoning him over. “We need to lift him gently,” she sternly informed the hulking krogan.  
  
“Yeah yeah, get off my tail,” Wrex told the asari, though there was no malice in his tone. The careful way he lifted the turian belied his own concern for Garrus and the rest of the crew fell silent as they realized just how injured the turian was. Shepard ghosted along beside Wrex, refusing to let go of Garrus’ hand for even a moment. The rest of the team filed back onto the shuttle quickly and the air was thick with tense silence. James needed to be helped aboard by Kaidan and Shepard’s skin itched with every second of delay. No one spoke as Cortez finally lifted the shuttle and raced back to London.  
  
\---------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Garrus’ eyes slowly rolled open and he stared up at the white ceiling in confusion. He felt shock to even be alive, though he knew this could not be heaven for the simple fact that he hurt all over and for some reason, his right arm felt leaden, unable to be moved. Turning his head slowly, he braced himself to survey the extent of the damage. Was his arm mangled and useless? Would he ever fire a rifle again?  
  
Instead of the expected horrific injury, he discovered a red-haired human woman curled asleep beside him, laying half on his arm.  
  
“Shepard?” he whispered in disbelief. His vision... had it been real? He had gone searching for her but in the end she had found him.  
  
At hearing his voice, Shepard began to stir, lifting her tousled head and blinking at him for a moment until memory rushed back and she grinned at him. It was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. “Garrus! You’re all right!”  
  
He gave a pained laugh, half giddy with disbelief. “I should be saying that to you. Shepard... we thought you were dead.” He amended, “Again.” He reached up to caress her cheek with his free hand, needing tactile confirmation that this was not another dream. She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch and he took the opportunity to discreetly relocate his sleep deadened arm, pulling her close.  
  
“I know, Garrus. For a long time, I didn’t even remember who I was.”  She leaned forward, resting her forehead against his. “You brought me back,” she whispered.  
  
He cleared his throat and attempted a light joke as he brushed his fingers over her smooth skin, so unlike a turian’s. “Hrm... Good to know this battered old turian is still good for something,” he murmured.  
  
“I’m sure we can come up with a few other things,” she added with a mischievous smirk.  
  
“I look forward to it, but ah... let’s give my poor broken body some time to recover first, before we go putting it through its paces, hrm?”  
  
She laughed softly and put her arms around his neck, hugging close with a contented sigh. “Not remembering you was the worst feeling of my life. Maybe now we can get on with just living our lives together.”  
  
“Come on, Shepard, you’d get bored within a month without a galaxy to save,” he teased.  
  
“Probably, but luckily I know this bad boy vigilante named Archangel that might be able to stir up some fun for me.”  
  
He gave her an affectionate squeeze and rested his head on her shoulder, already feeling exhaustion overtaking him again. “He would probably be up to the challenge, though for right now, all he wants to do is take a nap with his girlfriend.”  
  
“I might be able to arrange that,” she murmured, snuggling up with him.  
  
When Liara looked in on them later, they were holding each other as if they never intended to let go again.


End file.
